I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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