puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
