it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
