So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
