my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
