Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
