Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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