Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
