She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
