In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
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I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
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Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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