my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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