I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Don't tell me you're on acid again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
