I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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