apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
