1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
