yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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