I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
