She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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