I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
