i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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