No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
