You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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