i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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