I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
