the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
