I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
