i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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