She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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