Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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