I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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