bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
