just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you will always have a special place in my vag
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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