I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
why is half of my head shaved?
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