Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
