my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
