So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
