i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
