Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
