she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
