your parents love me but you hate me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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