im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
