miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You took a bar mat shot.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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