Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
