she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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