Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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