i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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