Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
