At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
