My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
