Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
