Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
