White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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