Moan for me like Helen Keller
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
