We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
