But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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