so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
