so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it was like eating out sand paper
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
