sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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