Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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