yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
