I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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