every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
