he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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