it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
