Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
