I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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