help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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