U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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