Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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