so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
