forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
