I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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