I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This girl is more easily done than said...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
