I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
