remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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